8 Reasons You Might Benefit from Family of Origin Therapy

Family of origin therapy (or “family of origin work” as it’s often referred to) is rooted in how the past negatively impacts the present – and the future. The idea is that sometimes people get stuck in old, unhelpful belief systems coming from long ago during a time when this thinking made sense considering the circumstances the child was in. The goal is not to stay focused on the past and get “stuck” there – but to eventually move forward operating through the lens of more helpful belief systems.

Often people aren’t initially aware that their emotional and psychological problems might be at least partially rooted in the past. In fact, many people dismiss the benefit of covering that territory due to the assumption that,

“The past is the past, so what’s the point?”

On the surface, this makes good sense. Though it’s true that “the past is the past,” there is something you can do about unhelpful belief systems you might have leaned into as a result of what happened.

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Imagine a young child you know – even one of your own – and how they would react to a difficult situation. Do they have the cognitive ability to make sense of it and draw accurate conclusions to “why” the event occurred? Probably not. The reality is that children often will make up a story that bad things going on around them have something to do with them, leading to feeling unlovable, like they are inherently “bad” in some way, etc. Messages from parents, either intentional or unintentional, tend to pack the biggest punch because of the intense need for children to know they are valued, loved and matter. The first and most important source of these types of messages are parents or primary caregivers which can shape the way the child operates in the world as they grow older – and on to adulthood.

Here are 8 Reasons You Might Benefit from Family of Origin Therapy:

1. You experienced trauma (physical, sexual or emotional abuse)
2. You experienced neglect of your basic physical or emotional needs
3. You had a highly critical parent(s)
4. You had a parent with mental illness
5. You had a controlling parent(s)
6. You were parentified (expected to take on responsibilities far beyond your years)
7. You lived in a household with active alcoholism or addiction.
8. You experienced abandonment by a parent(s)

There are a wide range of experiences children can have that impact their overall emotional safety. These experiences can force adaptations or coping mechanisms that no longer serve them well into adulthood, as demonstrated by excessive anger, anxiety, depression and relationship problems (to name a few). These experiences often occur in the family of origin then can play out beyond childhood and into adulthood.

If you find that certain themes have played out in your life, or you often attract other wounded people to you, this is also a reason to consider this type of deep work.

The work is not about blaming people and getting stuck in intense emotions around your experiences. It’s about a new understanding of how you were impacted. Self-compassion is key as you work to understand how you developed unhelpful belief systems about yourself, others and the world. And changing them!