Love And Life Toolbox

Valentines Day: Reset Your Expectations to Enjoy the Real Meaning of Love

Valentines Day is associated with romantic love and recognition of the intimate bond you share with your special someone.  Cards, flowers, chocolates and other tokens of affections are commonly exchanged in celebration.  However, our culture has morphed this day of sweet appreciation into angst for many as the ante of expectations for performance and material things goes higher.  This has sullied the intention of the day as one partner might stress about “doing” and buying for the other and the other partner often can spend unnecessary energy worrying about what will be done.  Another aspect of the backlash of higher expectations is the rejection by some of this holiday all together.  In light of what society has made of it, some feel raked over the coals by venders selling their Valentines Day wares with sudden price hikes.

Real love does not have a price tag.

Let’s get back to the wonderful intent of the day that indeed deserves notice and celebration.  If you are in a relationship as Valentines Day approaches, consider resetting your expectations to get back to the real meaning of love.  It’s not ultimately about expensive sparkly things and leaping through a ring of fire in a great display.  This is not to say there is something wrong with love moving one  to do these things for their sweetheart, which also happens and is beautiful.  I am speaking to those who feel pressured by Valentines Day for the above reasons.  I encourage you to drop your expectations and focus on being grateful in each other’s presence.

Consider the following quotes:

“The more one judges, the less one loves.”  – Honoré de Balzac

“Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation.  We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.”  – Leo Buscaglia

“Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.”  – Samuel Lover

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”  – Tom Robbins

“Who, being loved, is poor?”  – Oscar Wilde

“Love is always being given when it is not required.”  – E.M. Forster

“Love is love’s reward.” – John Dryden

Real love is about emotional safety, being a port in the storm for one another.  Barbara Fredrickson, PhD has described it as “a sharing” of positive emotions directed towards each other, a biochemical connection and “a reflected motive to invest in each other’s well-being that brings mutual care.”

Relax in knowing that small tokens of appreciation and celebration of your special bond carry a high value in mature, real love.

Happy Valentines Day

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of with emotional and relationship health articles, guides, courses and other tools for individuals and couples. She is a frequent consultant for the media having appeared in,, and others. Lisa has a private practice in Marin County, CA and offers Emotional Health and Relationship Consultations via email, phone or video conference.

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