Friendships and Your Emotional Health

Because emotional health and relationship health are so intertwined it’s important to take stock of who you’re surrounding yourself with.  Aside from your intimate partnerships, who are your friends?  Are they people who support and lift you up?  Does the relationship feel reciprocal?

We are partially who we surround ourselves with and it’s never too late to take stock of the people in your life – and consider making some changes.

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Here are some indicators of friendship quality:

A great friend:

• listens and takes an interest in you.
• is someone you can relax, be yourself and maybe even laugh with
• is reliable when life hits you with a curve ball
• is authentic even if it means giving an honest opinion you may not like to hear.
• makes you feel comfortable enough around them that you can be yourself too
• celebrates your accomplishments with you – and you with them
• is trustworthy and will hold your secrets

A friend worth second look:

• appears not to be listening and tends to bring conversations back to them
• repeatedly doesn’t prioritize you in the way you prioritize them
• seems unwilling to show up when life gets hard
• is competitive with you in a way that feels uncomfortable
• says and behaves in ways that are often oppositional

There are many reasons that can explain why people behave primarily from the first or from the second list.  Those who had secure upbringings where emotional safety often understand better how to trust a relationship and show up for it.  Often those who do not have not been modeled reliable relationships, particularly in their family of origin.  They may have wounds of their own that can benefit from some attention.  For this reason, it’s important not to instantly write people off. Begin by expressing how their behavior makes you feel and what you need. Give them an opportunity to grow and meet you there.

But if you try to improve the quality of your friendship you continue to not feel so good about it, perhaps it’s time to rethink the situation.