Love And Life Toolbox

11 Secrets of Happy Couples

When you see the words, “happy couples” what comes up for you?  You probably know a few of them.  They may be friends of yours or a couple you’re aquainted with – and they always seem to be happy.  What’s their secret?  How do they do it?

Relationship research has demonstrated that indeed, there are qualities that happy couples tend to share.  Christine Carter, PhD, sociologist and happiness expert, offers “practical prescriptions” for couples seeking happiness together.  This is great news for couples committed to strengthening their relationship foundation and being – well, happy!  Yes, it may take a little effort to change the dynamics between you and your partner but with with good intentions and focus, you can do it!  Because human beings are born wired to connect, an emotionally safe and secure intimate relationship is one of the most rewarding experiences out there.

Let’s look at some of the secrets of happy couples below.  Consider each as it applies to your relationship and commit to trying to incorporate some of them.

11 secrets of happy couples:

  1. Their relationship is full of positive, pro-social emotions such as gratitude and appreciation.
  2. They recognize and respond to each other’s bids for attention.
  3. They prioritize intimacy and sex.
  4. They are good at using humor to de-escalate conflict.
  5. They show interest in each other’s worlds by asking questions.
  6. They support each other’s growth and learning of new things.
  7. They see conflicts as joint problems to be solved.
  8. They accept influence from each other.
  9. They can both calm themselves effectively during conflict.
  10. They put their individual happiness first, knowing that the happier they are the more they can offer each other and the relationship.
  11. They are connected to other happy people as emotions are contagious and happiness is best predicted by social ties.

Relationships do require work and that’s ok!  Doesn’t this apply to anything worthwhile to you in life?  If you care about it, you are willing to do what it takes to nurture it.  And if you have children, it’s so important for them to see their parents having a happy relationship.

Seems to me working on bringing up the happiness quotient in your relationship is a win-win for all.

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of with emotional and relationship health articles, guides, courses and other tools for individuals and couples. She is a frequent consultant for the media having appeared in,, and others. Lisa has a private practice in Marin County, CA and offers Emotional Health and Relationship Consultations via email, phone or video conference.

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