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Ask Lisa: Does Watching Porn Mean He’s Not Happy with Our Sex Life?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now and there is something thaI recently learned about him that is still bothering me. He looks at porn when I am gone for a few days. He says that he only looks at it because he needs to relieve stress and that he thinks of me the entire time. I do trust him but he also told me that he used to look at porn a whole lot when he was single, which I guess is normal for guys, but to me looking at porn means that you are not happy with your sex life. Am I reasonable to get so irritated by his actions or should I try to be more understanding.

Lisa’s thoughts…

Watching porn occasionally in and of itself is not problematic.  When it becomes an issue is when it takes on an addictive nature and/or is used to replace real intimacy.  It sounds like your boyfriend admits to occasional use while you’re gone as a release.  If your sex life is good and he seems present and active, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  It’s actually common for people to assume it means the person isn’t happy sexually in their relationship.  The reality is that a fantasy life is normal.  It’s when people use it compulsively or as a replacement for real human connection that there may be a problem

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Need advice?  Consider a Relationship Consultation for guidance.

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of LoveAndLifeToolbox.com with emotional and relationship health articles, guides, courses and other tools for individuals and couples. She is a frequent consultant for the media having appeared in CNN.com, HuffingtonPost.com, MensHealth.com and others. Lisa has a private practice in Marin County, CA and offers Emotional Health and Relationship Consultations via email, phone or video conference.