Hi guys! Welcome back to the Therapy 365 podcast.
Today, Lisa analyzes worry. From what it is to when worry serves you to when worry is problematic, to where excessive worry or anxiety comes from to ways to handle it, Lisa covers it all in this episode.
Now, if you are ready, let’s begin!
According to Lisa, worry is a state of fear or anxiety over actual or perceived potential problems. The feelings associated with worry can be unpleasant tension or general unease. Everyone worries from time to time, and it is an intrinsic part of being human.
Even though worry gets a bad reputation, it can actually serve you to function better. For instance, worry can motivate you to prepare well for an important job interview. If there’s construction or traffic in your area, worry can help you make a plan to leave earlier or take an alternative route.
Similarly, if there’s a change in the weather and you are worried that it might impact your outdoor venture, you’ll pack protective items such as an umbrella to accommodate that. Worry can also prompt you to take care of yourself, like getting an annual cancer screening or a wellness check.
Usually, worry can stave off problems and alleviate suffering by preparing you to adapt to situations.
On the flip side, worry can become a problem when it goes past being a healthy response to uncertainties and starts to dominate your thinking. Lisa further mentions that when worry goes from an occasional preoccupation to daily handwringing, it no longer serves you but becomes an issue that needs to be dealt with.
She then puts forth a few signs of worry tipping over into clinical anxiety that you should be aware of. If you are often preoccupied that bad things will happen, or you easily become hyper-fixated on things you are worried about, like losing a job or being late. If your worrying impacts your loved ones, like your kids and spouse, then it’s a problem, and you should find ways to deal with it.
Before digging deeper into the ways to get a handle on excessive worry, Lisa briefly discusses where worry comes from.
First, you need to differentiate clinical anxiety, which is a medical condition. It is mostly genetic, so there is a high possibility that you could have inherited it from either of your parents. Now, as far as worry is concerned, it can have roots in childhood or from other prior experiences.
Some examples of that are having an anxious parent and picking up some of their tendencies for fear-based thinking or growing up in an unstable home where there was a fear of conflict, or there was substance abuse or violence, or other reasons for a general lack of emotional safety in your family of origin.
Lisa explains that such experiences can inform a young developing brain that there are things to be afraid of. And that child can end up becoming an adult with vulnerabilities or wounds that they’ve carried forward. Their brains are wired to constantly scan the environment for bad things to happen as they did when they were a child.
Worry can also originate from a traumatic experience that you might have had in the past, which has now made you hyper-vigilant. Some examples of that could be sexual assault, being involved in a car accident, or losing someone to an illness, where your sense of overall safety was compromised.
Finally, Lisa points out a few ways that can help you start to get a handle on your excessive worry.
Firstly, you need to understand the roots of your worry. If you are unable to figure it out, Lisa suggests that you take help from a therapist as they can help make it vividly clear. At the same time, always keep in mind that worry and anxiety can serve people in more ways than you could imagine.
It could actually be a coping mechanism to protect you against the experiences you have had that were worrisome or what you feared from before.
Apart from that, you might want to start noticing when worry comes up. The more you notice, the more chances you’ll have to develop a different relationship with it.
Lisa recommends not to use worry to beat yourself up. Once you have found out the roots of your worry, you will be better able to gather some self-compassion, and that will prevent you from beating yourself up.
Make it a habit to talk to yourself whenever you are worried about anything, but make sure that you offer yourself other lines of thinking instead of the worst-case scenario. For instance, you could ask yourself, what are the other things that could happen? What is the worst possible thing that can happen? And is it really so bad?
Take deep breaths whenever you are excessively worried, as oxygen is an antidote to cortisol (the stress hormone). Take a moment and breathe all the way to your tummy and exhale. This will help your nervous system reset a little while you consider other lines of thinking that are not worrisome.
In the next episode of Therapy365, Lisa will address, “How do you sustain a relationship with a very busy partner?” This is a question that she often gets asked via her consultation service; ASK LISA.
Meanwhile, don’t forget to check out her website loveandlifetoolbox.com for emotional health and relationship tips and tools by Lisa and other renowned therapists.
At therapy 365, you’re always a work in progress. Thanks a ton for listening!
Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT:
Hey everyone. Here we are at Therapy 365 episode four: Worry. When to worry about it or not to worry about it. So today I’m talking about worry; what it is, when does worry serve you, when is worry problematic, where does excessive worry or anxiety come from, and ways to get a handle on your excessive worry. So what is worry?
Worry is a state of sort of fear or anxiety over actual or perceived potential problems. The feelings associated with worry can obviously be unpleasant tension or general unease, preoccupation. You know, everyone gets worried from time to time. It’s part of being human and it actually does serve a purpose, you might be surprised to hear. So when does worry serve you?
So worry gets a bad rap. The reality is if you worry, it means you care about things, right? Maybe you’re worried about doing well on an interview because it’s important that you get a job or you worry about how your child will do on his first day of school- is he going to make friends? Worry can also motivate you to take action when needed. Your worry might inspire you to make a plan. If you hear traffic or construction in your area, you plan to leave earlier or have an alternate route. Or maybe you hear that there’s a weather change and you worry about how it will impact an outdoor venture you’re attending later in the day. So you pack items to accommodate that, like an umbrella, right? So worry can also prompt you to take care of yourself, like getting an annual wellness check or a cancer screening.
Generally, you know, your worry can help stave off problems. So I want you to remember that. So there are appropriate and helpful ways that worry can alleviate suffering by preparing you to adapt to situations. But when is worry a problem?
Well, worry becomes an issue when it goes past a healthy response to a lot of uncertainty enough that it dominates your thinking. You know, when it goes from an occasional preoccupation to daily handwringing, it’s probably taken over your life in a way that doesn’t serve you. So there’s some signs of worry tipping over into clinical anxiety that you should be aware of if you’re often preoccupied that bad things will happen. If you easily become hyper-fixated on things you’re worried about like being late or losing a job, or your boyfriend breaking up with you or things like that, or your worrying impacts those close to you, like your spouse or kids or work partner. You know, they Notice that your worry is a problem, or they feel like you’re not paying attention.
So where does worry come from? So you gotta differentiate clinical anxiety as one thing. And that can be genetic. You know, either parent or family member can have that and that’s something you should look for. But a worry in general can have roots in childhood or from other prior experiences. And some examples of that are having an anxious parent and picking up some of their tendencies for fear-based thinking or growing up in an unstable home where there was a fear of conflict, or there was substance abuse or violence, or other reasons for a general, lack of emotional safety in your family of origin.
These experiences can inform a young developing brain that there are things to be afraid of, and that child can become an adult with vulnerabilities or wounds that they’ve carried forward. They can be wired for anxiety- scanning the environment for bad things to happen because they did at one time, right? Or wired for worry. Again, you have to differentiate clinical versus nonclinical. Perhaps you had a traumatic incident at some time that was terrifying and now there’s some hypervigilance remaining in certain areas. And examples of that can be being physically or sexually assaulted, being in a serious car accident, losing someone close to an illness, such as cancer, or a larger societal catastrophic event, such as the COVID pandemic or other natural disasters where your sense of overall safety was compromised.
If you tend to worry too much, there are some ways you can start to get a handle on it. One, understand the roots of your worry. We already talked about that, but it’s important. And if you’re unclear about how to do this, a therapist can help. And remember that actually anxiety and worry can serve people in more ways than I described above. It actually can be there as a coping mechanism to protect you against what you feared from before or experiences you’ve had that were worrisome. And so you, you develop this kind of hypervigilant way of being.
Two, start to notice when worry comes up, the more you notice it, the more chance you’ll have to develop a different relationship with it.
Number three, give yourself a break. Don’t use worry as a reason to beat yourself up. If you get clear on the origins of your worry, you’ll be better able to muster some self-compassion and that will help in that effort to not beat yourself up.
Number four, talk to yourself, literally talk to yourself. Use self-talk to offer yourself other options or lines of thinking instead of the worst possible scenario, or assuming something negative will happen. Like you could ask yourself -self talk- what are some other possibilities of things that could happen? What is the worst possible thing that can happen? And is it really so bad?
Number five, take a breath. Oxygen is an antidote to the stress hormone cortisol. So if you can manage just a moment to take a deep breath in all the way to your belly followed by long exhale. You’ll give your nervous system an opportunity to reset just a little as you consider other lines of thinking that don’t feel so worrisome.
So in the next episode of Therapy 365, I’m gonna do something a little different and address a frequent relationship question. I get asked via my consultation service, Ask Lisa on loveand lifetoolbox. The question is how do you sustain a relationship with a very busy partner? So I’ll see you next time. And remember at therapy 365, you’re always a work in progress.
