Tools for your emotional health and relationships.
Hi everyone! Welcome to yet another episode of the Therapy 365 podcast by Lisa B. Kift. Today, she’s going to talk about four ways you know you are living an authentic life.
If you are ready, let’s dive deep into what Lisa has to say.
For Lisa, authenticity in a person’s daily life is a congruence between their beliefs and values and their inner and outer world align. She also mentions that there is a synchronicity between who you are and how you show up in the world, so living inauthentically can be a disconnect within yourself.
However, it’s worth noting that many people choose to live inauthentic lives because they don’t feel as comfortable being their true selves with others or giving their honest opinions. Such people are always hell-bent on giving people what they want to hear. The problem is that it can lead to a lot of internal turmoil and stress that many people don’t even realize.
According to Lisa, there’s a real strain associated with living as if you think you should versus who you really are at your inner core. Plus, maintaining a facade can take a lot of energy, which can get highly frustrating, to say the least.
Lisa feels that it can be really freeing to be able to be who you are and show up in the world in that way. That’s why she thought of sharing four ways in which you can know that you are living an authentic life.
First, you need to know your wounds. Know how your vulnerability shows up and do some work on them. Believe it or not, most people don’t realize that they are living inauthentically because they haven’t expanded their awareness into themselves and tried to find out what’s bothering them.
Next, be sure to speak the truth and maintain honesty at all times and say no whenever you feel like it. Over the years, Lisa has noticed that people who live as people-pleasers and conflict-avoiders usually get triggered easily and are distressed. Thus, if you have a tendency to please people, you might not be living an authentic life.
Lisa suggests that people living authentically understand that things can change, and they are always keen on learning, growing, and evolving. So, if you love to keep an open mind on things, you are good to go.
According to Lisa, people who thrive on authentic connection can find it difficult to connect with people who have less awareness. So, if you are one of them, make sure to look at your groups of friends and family and try to spend quality time with them. Connecting with people with similar interests can nurture you in many ways and make your life meaningful.
Having said all that, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s not easy for people to operate authentically at all times. Some people might feel that it’s not safe for them to do so, depending on their histories and backgrounds.
Going forward, Lisa will be discussing current event topics in her podcasts. She feels like it’s a great time to help people remember how to stay calm when the world doesn’t feel as calm. So, stay tuned for some really interesting content in the upcoming podcasts.
You can also check out loveandlifetoolbox.com for emotional health and relationship content. If you would like an email consultation with Lisa, feel free to click Ask Lisa at the top of the navigation bar.
On that note, it’s a wrap, and remember that at Therapy 365, you’re always a work in progress. Have a great day.
Lisa Brookes Kift:
Hey guys, it’s episode ten: Four Ways You know You are living an Authentic Life. And you know, authenticity in your daily life is really kind of a nice congruence between your beliefs and your values and your actions and your inner and outer worlds align. And there’s really a kind of synchronicity between who you really are as a person and how you’re showing up in the world. Living inauthentically is kind of a disconnect within yourself. You don’t feel as comfortable being your true self with others or giving your honest opinion or, or maybe constantly trying to give people what they wanna hear. The problem is it can lead to a lot of internal turmoil and stress that many don’t even realize. There’s a real strain associated with living as if you think you should be versus who you really are at your inner core. And it actually takes a lot of energy to maintain this.
It can be really freeing to be able to be who you are and show up in the world in that way. So when people come into my therapy practice for individual work, the issue of living authentically is rarely a issue in the forefront for them. They usually are reporting maybe a vague sense of sadness or a lack of satisfaction or a sense of disease, dis-ease, right? Not feeling as good as they wish they were in their life, worse they could be, and they’re not really clear about why. So the topic of authentic living usually unfolds as I learn more about the ways that their challenges are showing up. And then at that point I can explore a little more in that area if it seems relevant. So at one point I wrote an article in Love and Love Toolbox on this topic, topic on indications that you are living an authentic life.
So I’m gonna share four of them here, so you can start to think about ways in which authenticity or a lack thereof shows up for you.
Number one, know your wounds, how your vulnerability show up and do some work on them. You know, one of the ways people don’t realize they are living inauthentically is because they haven’t done their own work in the first place and they haven’t expanded their awareness into themselves. So they’re just kind of on autopilot.
Number two, you speak your truth and give honest opinions and also say no when it feels right. One of the main areas I see people getting triggered is when they are, you know, living as people pleasers or conflict avoiders, they’re operating in a way that they feel like they’re supposed to, but it actually causes distress and sometimes it can take a while for that to show up.
People pleasing really goes beyond a nice and cooperative person. It involves a really, like a much deeper held belief that for some reason it’s not okay for them to say no or be contrarian in any way. They might have learned to derive their self worth from providing for others. And the same is for those who avoid conflict at any cost. And again, I don’t mean someone who let’s say doesn’t get in a bar fight. I mean someone who will be less likely to share their true feelings or true opinions out of fear of it creating tension or that you’ll be upset with them or whatever. So they’ve learned somewhere to avoid this. The problem with both of these scenarios, this people pleasing and conflict avoiding is that there’s a real inauthentic aspect to it, right? I mean, how they’re engaging with other people is not with authenticity.
And this can lead to a buildup of resentment and general unhappiness, which then leads them to do some therapy work to try to figure out what’s going on. And sometimes they may have an inkling, but a lot of times they don’t. And you kind of have to look for it and then to see if it’s discoverable.
Number three, you strive for an open, curious, and always learning mindset. People living authentically understand that things can change, things can shift. They know there’s a fluidity to learning and growing and they invite this evolution for themselves. Their self and general awareness propels this forward.
Number four, you spend time with others who are also living authentically. Sometimes it can be a challenge actually to find others who are doing this. You know, many are living fairly unaware of how their histories have impacted them, possibly acting out in ways that aren’t helpful for them or for those around them.
Perhaps they’ve learned to minimize their experiences and just move on. So for someone who thrives on authentic connection, it can actually be painful to feel like you’re in a sea of people who have less awareness. So it’s important to really look at your groups of friends and family and try to spend quality time, make sure you spend enough quality time, I should say, with the ones who you can more deeply connect with. You both have a similar interest in being real in a way that will ultimately nurture you both. And if you don’t have many people like this in your life or maybe any, keep your eyes open for them because they are out there.
Living Authentically Is Not Always Easy [6:04]
So last thing I’ll mention on this topic of authenticity is to, you gotta keep in mind, it’s not easy for people to operate on this level all the time. And again, like I said, depending on their histories, it can perhaps not feel safe for them to do so, or it’s vulnerable in some reason. Maybe it’s not acceptable and they maybe have no idea that, that they’re operating on this belief. But what I’m saying is that it’s not really a place to be judging them, but to rather have some compassion for them and understand that that’s just where they are. You know, sometimes people who are really far from authenticity and are actually deep in their own pain, trauma and other ways that this stuff can manifest and maybe in the future they will get there and perhaps not, but you can start with you on being as authentic as you can in your own life.
So I am going to, moving forward, I’m just putting it out there that in my podcast I’m going to occasionally look at current event topics. It feels like a good time at the moment to help people with a reminder of how to stay calm when the world doesn’t feel as calm as we seem to be ebbing and flowing through a number of overall sort of existential type situations that are causing people a good bit of underlying stress. And this really has been going on for a number of years and it seems to keep undulating.
So I thought maybe, it would be good to give you guys some tools to remember to keep in your toolbox for the next podcast. Until then, you can check out love and life toolbox.com for emotional health and relationship content. If you would like an email consultation with me, click Ask Lisa at the top on the navigation bar. Take care and remember that at Therapy 365, you’re always a work in progress. Have a great day.
