LoveAndLifeToolBox

3 Steps To Improve Emotional Health And Relationships

Introducing Lisa

Welcome to the very first episode of the Therapy365 podcast by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT. Lisa is a marriage and family therapist based in Marin County, California. She works with individuals and couples and offers a combination of telehealth, online and in-person therapy. Being a family of origin expert, Lisa helps people understand how their histories connect to their struggles.

Common Problems Caused By Emotional Baggage

In this episode, Lisa discusses the steps one can take to begin to improve their emotional health and relationships. But before that, she gives a few examples of some of the problems that individuals face because of the emotional baggage that they carry.
People with poor emotional health often suffer from a slew of problems, including perfectionism, boundary problems, emotional unavailability in relationships, unhealthy relationship patterns, fears of abandonment, trust issues, stress, worry, and low self-esteem.
All these problems can seem overwhelming, but following these three important steps will allow one to be in the best possible place to make changes to their emotional and mental health.

Step 1: Own Your Role

First and foremost, you need to own your role. In other words, face yourself in the mirror and take an honest look at your responsibility and the challenges that you are having. Even though it may seem hard to take ownership of your part, it’s imperative that you do it.
You have to understand that regardless of what people have done to you or what life has thrown your way, you always have a role to play. So, it takes a great deal of courage to own your role in all the emotional problems that you encounter. Plus, it’s really liberating when you realize you have more control over your circumstances than you thought.

Step 2: Don’t Run Away from Your Past

Next, you need to be curious about your past and not run from it. Take an honest look back at your history and see what are the things that are holding you back in the present.
Many people don’t prefer looking back at their past and believe in the principle that “the past is the past.” But it’s extremely important to do it because no matter how hard you try to shove things in a vault, they have a way of coming out and negatively affecting your present.

Step 3: Do Things Differently

Finally, you have to be willing to change your behavior and try different things. It’s a no-brainer that if what you’ve been doing isn’t working for you, it’s time to try something else.

What’s Next?

The goal of Therapy 365 is to help you spark your own “A-ha!” moments and connect some dots to inspire you on your own journey of personal growth. As Lisa works with couples and individuals in California, she will also cover topics related to couples and individuals on this podcast.
In the next episode, Lisa will talk about perfectionism, what it really means, why it’s problematic, where it comes from, and how to move towards a more balanced approach. So, stay tuned for that one.
Meanwhile, feel free to check out her website loveandlifetoolbox.com for emotional health tips and tools by her and other therapy professionals. Lisa also offers one-time emotional health and relationship consultation service through email there.
Additionally, if you live in California and are looking for online therapy, you may check out what she has to offer at californiaonlinetherapyandcounseling.com.
At Therapy 365, you are always a work of progress. Thank you for listening!

 

Transcript

Lisa Brookes Kift:

Hi everybody, this is episode one of Therapy 365. Today I’m gonna talk about three steps you can take to start to improve your emotional health and have happier relationships. First of all, let me tell you a little bit about me: I’m Lisa Brookes Kift. I’m a marriage and family therapist in Marin County, California, working with individuals and couples, a combination of telehealth, online and in-person therapy. So the real passionate area of my work is family of origin work, where I help people to understand how their histories connect to the struggles that they have. So today I wanna talk about three important steps you can take to begin to improve your emotional health and relationships. But before I do, I’d like to give you a few examples of some of the problems that people face as a result of the baggage that they carry.

So, we’ve got perfectionism is one, boundary problems, people who are conflict avoidant, emotional unavailability in relationships or fears of abandonment, unhealthy relationship patterns, issues with trust, worry, stress, lack of self-esteem. And there’s so many more, but these are the most common ones that I see in my practice and in life, actually. So today I wanna just give you a basic understanding of how you can be in the best possible place to make changes if that’s what you’re wanting to do. So here are my three steps for emotional health and happy relationships that you can start to think about.

Step 1: Own Your Role [1:58]

Step one is own your role. You have to be willing to hold a mirror to yourself and take an honest look at your responsibility and the challenges that you’re having. It can be hard, it’s true. And it’s not always easy to take ownership of your part, but it’s really important. Regardless of what others have done or what life has dished, you always have a role in that. So it’s really an of courage to be able to do that and freeing when you realize you actually have more control over your circumstances than you thought. So that’s step one.

Step 2: Be Curious About Your Past [2:32]

Step two is be curious about your past. You’ve got to be willing to take an honest look back at your history to see if there’s anything holding you back in the present. This is really interesting, because this is often where people will say, you know, “what’s the point? The past is the past.” And they don’t wanna look back. As much as you’ve tried to shove things in a vault- and that’s really common, people do that- they always have a way of coming out.

Step 3: Do Things Differently [2:54]

So step three, do things differently. Be willing to change your behavior and try different things. You know, clearly if what you’ve been doing thus far isn’t working for you, it’s time to try something else.

So my goal for this podcast Therapy 365 is to help people spark their own A-ha moments and hopefully connect some dots to inspire you for your own personal growth journey. You know, as I work with individuals and couples in my California practice, I will also cover topics related to both individuals and couples on this podcast. I think that’s important. So, in the next episode of Therapy 365, I’m going to look at perfectionism: what it is, why it’s problematic, where it comes from, and how to move towards a more balanced approach. In the meantime, though, you can check out my website, loveandlifetoolbox.com for emotional health tips and tools by me and other therapy professionals. I offer a one-time emotional health and relationship consultation service via email there as well. And if you’re interested, you can check that out. And if you’re a resident of California seeking online therapy, you can see californiaonlinetherapyandcounseling.com to check out what I have to offer there. Remember at therapy 365, you are always a work in progress.