Reasons People Can Get Into These Cycles

If you are clear that there is work for you in this area, it’s important to understand what led you to your unhealthy relationship patterns. It’s easy to blame your partners and important to remember that any relationship is a system. Both people contribute to that system in some way. These patterns can stem from childhood for a number of reasons; never experiencing healthy relationships, developing a poor sense of self, trauma, etc.

The next goal is to understand “why” to be able to work through it properly.

Understanding the origin of your pattern is really important as is self-compassion for any painful realizations that may come up.  This part if not about blaming anyone but rather helping you move through the process to change what you’ve been doing moving forward.  It’s also not about blaming yourself.  Leave blame at the door.

Sometimes clarity around the “why” brings discomfort too.  Anger, frustration and sadness might come up here and it’s important to note your feelings in your journal.  If more personal work is needed to work through your feelings, you can find support to help you do that.

The next Self-Quiz will help you to identify the connection between your relationship patterns and your past.