Identify the Pattern

How do you know if you have problematic relationship patterns?

If you find yourself repeatedly in painful relationships that all seem vaguely familiar, it’s likely you’re stuck in a pattern.  It’s like doing something over and over with the same troubling results.  Why in the world would you do that?  As counter-intuitive as it seems, many people struggle with this.

Relationship patterns usually don’t reveal themselves until later in adolescence or yearly adulthood when intimate and romantic connections are sought.  And for some people it takes years before they even become aware that they are doing the same thing over and over.  At some point, you might have had a mild “aha” moment about this or a tugging sensation that things seems very familiar…and not in a good way.

Your functioning in intimate relationships can be tied to your experiences with your parents or primary caregivers, the nest in which you were born.  They are both a type of “attachment” relationship were there is a similarity of need for security, safety and reliability.  The lessons learned early in life (whether positive or negative) carry forth are literally wired into your brain, presenting as vulnerabilities or strengths.  Your parents relationship(s)  can also serve as a template which can serve you well or not so much into adulthood.

The first step is to identify that there is a problem associated with the way you seek partnership. This may or may not be clear to you at this point. Sometimes it begins with a vague intuition that something isn’t right.

The following Self-Quiz will help you IDENTIFY whether indeed a problem exists.