Love And Life Toolbox
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Couples in Conflict: Learn to Fight Fair in Your Relationship

Conflict is a part of life – and often time relationships.Couples in Conflict:  Learn How to Fight Fair

The question is whether you can successfully get past the conflict and through to the other side.  Resentment is toxic to relationships and lack of conflict resolution skills can create a mountain of it.

Here are 5 signs you don’t fight fair:

  • You name call or make character attacks (ie. “You’re an idiot.”)
  • You use global statements such as “always” or “never” (ie. “You never listen to me!”)
  • You go off topic to a long list of prior examples of the current issue.
  • You use your partner’s family as a weapon (ie. “You’re just like your mother!”)
  • You storm out of the house without telling your partner when you’re planning to return (sometimes leaving the situation all together is a good idea but using a structured “time-out” is a better choice to avoid the other feeling abandoned).

In a healthy relationship, there will be certainly times when you don’t agree – or don’t get along well.  Learn productive skills including owning your errors, making relationship repairs and managing your reactivity (as not to cause damage).  Couples who are accustomed to engaging in negative cycles can learn more productive ways of interacting.  It takes awareness, intent to be better and occasionally a little “humble pie.”

If you’re struggling with making the improvements in your communication that you would like, find a local couples therapist to help you sort if out.

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of with emotional and relationship health articles, guides, courses and other tools for individuals and couples. She is a frequent consultant for the media having appeared in,, and others. Lisa has a private practice in Marin County, CA and offers Emotional Health and Relationship Consultations via email, phone or video conference.

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