25 Steps to a Securely Attached, Amazing Relationship

Relationships are important to all humans.  We or born seeking connection and need each other.  Intimate relationships are essentially adult attachment relationships due to the similar need for emotional safety, security and connection as childhood when we relied so heavily for this on our parents or primary caregivers.

To have the most stable and secure relationship foundation, there are a number of things you can stay mindful of together.  Whether you and your partner are stable, having challenges or simply need some fine tuning, stay aware of the following ways you both can behave to have the best relationship you can.

Here are 25 steps to a securely attached and amazing relationship:

  1. Communicate openly
  2. Listen well
  3. Validate each other’s experience and emotions
  4. Empathize with each other
  5. Respect each other
  6. Trust and provide trust for each other
  7. Give affection
  8. Prioritize each other
  9. Check in with each other about how you’re feeling
  10. Nurture yourself individually – as well as your partner
  11. Identify / work on family of origin wounds impacting the relationship
  12. Show curiosity in what your partner is interested in in
  13. Prioritize alone time
  14. Be playful
  15. Work through resentments
  16. Learn healthy conflict resolution skills
  17. Be friends
  18. Keep sexual intimacy alive
  19. Be reliable
  20. Be honest
  21. Be loyal
  22. Support each other’s dreams
  23. Practice forgiveness
  24. Be kind
  25. Demonstrate love in the ways that are meaningful to each other

Get clear on the areas you do well in and those that could use some work.  Stay aware and attentive to making improvements.  A long-term relationship can ebb and flow, always be a work in progress.  Keeping in mind that life changes as do people, checking in with each other on the basics from the above list can help keep your relationship a priority.

If you struggle with the majority of the items above and attempting to make changes on your own isn’t working well, consider couples therapy for a neutral third party trained in relationship dynamics.  If you are weighed down by resentments or other issues leading to disconnection, sometimes it can be challenging to dig out of this on your own.


Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT

Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT is the creator of with emotional and relationship health articles, guides, courses and other tools for individuals and couples. She is a frequent consultant for the media having appeared in,, and others. Lisa has a private practice in Marin County, CA and offers Emotional Health and Relationship Consultations via email, phone or video conference.

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